What will she come up with next? I mean seriously. Mommypie is a one cell shy of an entire think-tank of scientists. Clever, witty, AND earthfriendly? She only compares to Ellen…wait.

We all know that I have a HYUGE crush on Mommypie (and what can I say, she needs me).  But lately, I’ve fallen in love with her “new baby.” Her words, not mine. It’s awesome, inventive, fun and just about as creative as it gets. I had be tampering with our local freecycle.org network that we have in town, but with no such luck. I just don’t have the time to sit and tinker with all of the responses.

Then SWAPMAMAS came along. Honestly, I am not the demographic that she’s going for. Being a twenty-something (I’m not telling! But you can figure it out), totally independent, sans children is not what a site dedicated to parents swapping out items their children are growing out of is going for. However, I support it whole-heartedly and I am here to do my best!

I am, however, about 9 months shy from being given the third best gift in the world. I’m not going to be a mom, I’m not going to be an auntie, but I get to be a god-mother! OF COURSE, I’ll have a little fairy dust in the mix! So, as I prep to become the coolest, youngest, most awesomest god-mother in the world, I will be using SwapMamas to collect things for my friend who had NO IDEA she would be turning 23 in the middle of her first pregnancy, and is scared shit-less. As every new mother is bound to be.

Give SwapMamas some love, some items and get swappin’! Everyone’s invited to an ass-kickin’ party, the host-The Economy.

Tips that I’ve learned over the past 3 weeks: Eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. Don’t use salad dressing. Definitely calorie count, but if you don’t want to, at least look and be conscious of what you’re eating. If it feels like the gym is too easy, that’s because it probably is, step it up a notch!

I have just under 90 days until my 25th birthday, and 15.5lbs to lose!

Mommypie and Foolery are enjoying this little nugget with their readers, so I thought I’d join in. Seriously, everybody’s doin’ in.  Add a little America to your pictures. You can even add your own catch phrase. Here are some of my choice creations:

Yes, in my world, even my cat needs a diplomatic presidential poster.

I’m thinking about printing this as a poster and hanging it on my door. I’m that classy.

And my personal fav:

Progress for the sake of progress…

So, starting on Monday, I embarked on a new resolution. To lose 20lbs by my 25th birthday. Which is 3.5 months away. I know my friends think I’m crazy, that I don’t need to lose weight. But they flatter me. Plus, I counted today. I have 14 pairs of pants, 5 dresses, 3 skirts and 3 swim suits in my closet that I can’t wear. It’s probably not the healthiest way to get motivated, but, damn it, I’m finally determined. And New Year’s isn’t the only reason I’m doing this now. It really all revolves around the fact that, pathetically, I’m turning 25 in a quarter of a year, and I don’t want to. I know, get the laughing fit out of your systems, 25 is nothing. But to me it is, and I figure if I can get over turning 25 maybe 30, 40 even 50 won’t be so bad. You can call me a freak if you want to. I don’t mind.  I’m still going to pull the covers over my head on my Thursday birthday for an extra 15 minutes because I’m a quarter of a century old. I can see it now-I’m really not going to age well. I don’t do well with the aging thing. Crap.  At least I have the memory of a German waiter telling me I look 13.5, and that was only a year ago. Awesome.

I do understand that I’m going to turn 25, 26 and maybe even 27 if I’m lucky, so I better suck it up now and get on with losing the 20 lbs already. I will be my birthday gift to myself. Plus all of the clothes that are hanging in my closet, practically new because they haven’t been worn in, oh, 3 years at the least. However, I am hoping that by making this confessional, you all will hold me accountable for every single ounce that jiggles off my tush and into oblivion. Then I’ll take you out for drinks and we can sing some ridiculous campfire song because I will have made it through the torture.  If you’re lucky, I might be losing 10 lbs by February, because another co-worker is finally going to give smoking the boot, which I’m going to hold her accountable for. Because of that, I will be back with pictures, and accounts of my progress.

There will be no before picture. I’m keeping that to myself and definitely not posting in on the internet.

I have one of my own that I’d like you all to try to come up with an explanation for. Winner will get major kudos and a big, sappy post about how I loved your explanation most, and how your blog is the most fabulous in the whole world, and shit.

Now, this is a true story:
A guy and his co-worker were carpooling to work down a busy back road, to avoid using the interstate, and they came across this scene:
There is a car lying on its roof on the side of the road. A few hundred feet down the road is a large deer, unfortunately dead, by the side of the road. A big bale of hay lays scattered all around the whole scene. What happened?

Comment below for your awesome take on this exciting puzzle. Later I’ll tell you what I came up with.

I know I grew up in the 80s/90s because:

1. You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word sike. No, I’ve never done that….sike.

2. You can sing the rap to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and do the Carlton. Yes, I can totally rap to theme song to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Not only that, but I know why the show is called “Fresh Prince.” Don’t know, do ya?

3. You know that ‘WOAH’ comes from Joey on Blossom. HOT!

4.If you ever watched Fraggle Rock.  Jim Henson is a God.

5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. Yeah it was! I had a whole schedule of cartoons…Garfield was awesome.

6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head. Actually, I’m not sure my mom kept my hair long enough to wear like that…also why I didn’t have a Femullet.

7. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. ALWAYS caulk the wagon and float across

8. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side. Man, did this come back to haunt me. 6 straight years of handmade shirt ties from Grandma.

9. You played the game ‘MASH’(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House) Yes, Steve and I are getting married on May 12th, I’m wearing a purple dress and we’re going to live in Tahiti.

10. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.  Really, the HYUGE pockets on the ass were enough to keep me away.

11. You know the profo un d meaning of ‘ WAX ON , WAX OFF’ As well as “Whip It, Whip It good.”

12. You wanted to be a Goonie. I still want to be a goony. Movie was filmed where HubbyBee’s grandparents used to live.

13. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us…head-to-toe) We were special.

14. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.  Who can forget THRILLER? Who would want to?

15. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf. Apparently I wasn’t worried about women’s lib, because that never really bothered me. It was just SWEET! I want to be a Smurf!

16. You took lunch boxes to school…and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard. Yes, I did take a lunch box to school, with my thermos of milk.I won “Brings Healthiest Lunches” once. I was more of a POG geek, myself.

17. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets. Now, why would these go out of style? They came in so many colors!

18. You still get the urge to say ‘NOT’ after every sentence. NOT.

19. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.  Maybe I lingered too much on that fact…

21. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. Mine were high heels, and I pretended they were appropriate to wear to dances and stuff.

22. After you saw Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure you kept saying ‘I know you are, but what am I?’ Every Saturday morning I watched PeeWee’s Play house and called a family friend to discuss. As if there were a lot of things to discuss…”Did you see how blue Chairy looked today?” “Well yes, but he is a blue chair, you know”

23. You remember ‘I’ve fallen and I can’t get up’ Heh.

24. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates. Aw, holding hands and going around the ring underneath the disco ball.

25. You have ever played with a Skip-It. I had a very rare Jump-It jumprope that I totally dominated.

26. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that. Yeah…not really my type.

27. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.  I wasn’t allowed, but I remember the stories and the movie phrases.

28. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot. So does Mommypie. WORD to my Doogs.

29. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac. I’m pretty sure I had an Alf doll. And my brother had an Alf shirt.

30. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool…and don’t even flinch when people refer to them as ‘NKOTB’ WTF is NKOTB? Just say it out loud. You’ll feel better about yourself.

31. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on ‘Saved By The Bell,’ The ORIGINAL class. Is there another class? MARIO!

32. You know all the words to Bon Jovi – SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.

33. You just sang those words to yourself.

34. You still sing ‘We are the World’ 1996 Bill Clinton Inauguration…still can’t get it out of my head.

35. You tight rolled your jeans. H.O.T. HOT

36. You owned a bannana clip. Again, my mother saved me from another horrible hair blunder.

37. You’re still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren’t you! Actually, We are the World.

Life, ala Queen Bee.

AHAHAHAHAA. Sorry for being inappropriate.

I wanted to share some of the highlights of my Christmas season, so far. We’ll see what tomorrow brings. I know one thing…I’ll miss waking up to the sound of bells, like I have for every morning since my parents decided to buy the Celtic CD. The first track is a bunch of cathedral bells flailing to the spirit of Christmas morning. There’s nothing that makes you feel quite at home…or out in the cold walking to church…like a bunch of bells. It always signaled that I could finally get up. I did have to wait for everyone else though, which was actually great because it gave me an excuse to jump on them while they dreampt of sugarplums and fairies.

Anyway, here’s the small pieces of joy I’ve had:

Knowing that I could turn on my Christmas music in my car because it’s been there since 2006. Christmas is the only time I use my CD player in my car, so it just sits there for 11 months waiting patiently for the season to come around again.

Buying my brother completely ridiculous gifts. And I really mean ridiculous. Like this. He saw it on TV during Thanksgiving and was joking that he totally wants that. Too bad he mentioned it, those are the BEST presents. Meanwhile, HubbyBee got him this. Awe.some.

Getting Christmas presents from my Girl Scouts. They are so cute! I totally don’t expect anything from these adorable elementary students, but they still love to shower me with joy. Apparently though, they would like me fat. Because all they bring me is chocolate, which I totally eat, and don’t share. Yep. Big Fat Troop Leader is what they’re going for.

Putting up the Christmas Tree at work. I’m not sure why this gives me pleasure, because it’s the most freakin’ hardest tree to put up in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD. Literally. But I love it’s leaning branches, and since no one else gives a shit wants to take my joy, that baby is all mine.

Realizing that my favorite holiday phrase is not, “Look Daddy! Teacher says: Everytime a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.” But, it is in fact, “Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.”

Those little things over the past month have really made my season. Sure there are lots of things that drive me up the wall this time of year, but really? It’s time to let it go. I really try to practice personal zen and realize that everyone deserves a little cheer. Plus, I love this season so much. And I love the cold that is strong enough to take your face off because that means it’s skiing time! I’m looking forward to the one day of year I go to church, tonight on Christmas Eve, and tomorrow when I get to give all my wacky-but delightfully fun-Christmas gifts to my unsuspecting victims family members.

Hope you and yours have a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Years. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Here’s to knowing I’d always marry my high school sweetheart, and eight years later I still get butterflies when I see you after a long day of work.
Here’s to the Sunshine of my life.

Us at Crater Lake, OR

My Great Find for Friday is this adorable company. Little Miss Matched is a company based on the idea that socks rarely match, and why should they? Just like your car, your clothes, your hobbies are a reflection of who you are, your socks should match your personality!

I received my first set of Little Miss Matched socks during a sock chain letter. You know, you buy one pair of funky socks, mail them to the first person on your list, forward the list to six people, and get back 70gazillion pairs! Well, it never really works like that, but I did get about 9 pairs of crazy socks. I call them happy socks. Because I love wearing socks that have crazy patterns, holiday patterns or are just out of the blue. Someone once gave me a pair of socks with hippos on them. HIPPOS. What the hell? How do you even FIND socks with hippos on them? But I still have them, and they’re awesome. My mother has been buying me crazy socks for forever. It’s really quite fun.

Anyway, in this chain letter I received my first set. Now, the first thing you must know about Little Miss Matched is that you don’t get a pair. You get three! Because, duh, miss matched socks don’t come in twos…the dryer always eats one! here’s an example:

See? This way you have three different combos of socks! It’s great. I’m giddy just thinking about it! And, it’s a safe way to show your crazy, fun and adorable personality without wearing that heinous Christmas sweater your Aunt Mira gave you ten years ago when shoulder pads where all the rage.

Luckily, for us that live in a freezing climate, it becomes increasingly important that you have socks on your tootsies. BUT, in case you are one of the individuals of my inner torture that lives in a warm climate where 90% of the time you don’t need socks and you just casually walk around taunting the rest of us with your perfectly manicured toes resting in your flip-flops, Little Miss Matched has expanded her line of mismatched items to other pieces of your wardrobe.

Get a load of this:

Holy crapolie. How adorable is THAT? And there’s one for you too!

Check it out. Little Miss Matched is doing us a favor…we’re sprouting our inner geekiness while silently parading wild and crazy socks. Go out and spread some holiday cheer! They’re great stocking stuffers…literally.