Sometimes I try hard not to think about the 80’s or 90’s

And then an e-mail like this comes along. Seriously?? How do people know me so well? I keep thinking that maybe these iconic stereotypes will just melt away. But they are forever immortalized in the spam e-mail effect. Read on to learn what MY childhood was like:

I know I grew up in the 80s/90s because:

1. You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word sike. No, I’ve never done that….sike.

2. You can sing the rap to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and do the Carlton. Yes, I can totally rap to theme song to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Not only that, but I know why the show is called “Fresh Prince.” Don’t know, do ya?

3. You know that ‘WOAH’ comes from Joey on Blossom. HOT!

4.If you ever watched Fraggle Rock.  Jim Henson is a God.

5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. Yeah it was! I had a whole schedule of cartoons…Garfield was awesome.

6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head. Actually, I’m not sure my mom kept my hair long enough to wear like that…also why I didn’t have a Femullet.

7. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. ALWAYS caulk the wagon and float across

8. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side. Man, did this come back to haunt me. 6 straight years of handmade shirt ties from Grandma.

9. You played the game ‘MASH’(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House) Yes, Steve and I are getting married on May 12th, I’m wearing a purple dress and we’re going to live in Tahiti.

10. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.  Really, the HYUGE pockets on the ass were enough to keep me away.

11. You know the profo un d meaning of ‘ WAX ON , WAX OFF’ As well as “Whip It, Whip It good.”

12. You wanted to be a Goonie. I still want to be a goony. Movie was filmed where HubbyBee’s grandparents used to live.

13. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us…head-to-toe) We were special.

14. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.  Who can forget THRILLER? Who would want to?

15. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf. Apparently I wasn’t worried about women’s lib, because that never really bothered me. It was just SWEET! I want to be a Smurf!

16. You took lunch boxes to school…and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard. Yes, I did take a lunch box to school, with my thermos of milk.I won “Brings Healthiest Lunches” once. I was more of a POG geek, myself.

17. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets. Now, why would these go out of style? They came in so many colors!

18. You still get the urge to say ‘NOT’ after every sentence. NOT.

19. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.  Maybe I lingered too much on that fact…

21. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. Mine were high heels, and I pretended they were appropriate to wear to dances and stuff.

22. After you saw Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure you kept saying ‘I know you are, but what am I?’ Every Saturday morning I watched PeeWee’s Play house and called a family friend to discuss. As if there were a lot of things to discuss…”Did you see how blue Chairy looked today?” “Well yes, but he is a blue chair, you know”

23. You remember ‘I’ve fallen and I can’t get up’ Heh.

24. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates. Aw, holding hands and going around the ring underneath the disco ball.

25. You have ever played with a Skip-It. I had a very rare Jump-It jumprope that I totally dominated.

26. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that. Yeah…not really my type.

27. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.  I wasn’t allowed, but I remember the stories and the movie phrases.

28. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot. So does Mommypie. WORD to my Doogs.

29. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac. I’m pretty sure I had an Alf doll. And my brother had an Alf shirt.

30. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool…and don’t even flinch when people refer to them as ‘NKOTB’ WTF is NKOTB? Just say it out loud. You’ll feel better about yourself.

31. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on ‘Saved By The Bell,’ The ORIGINAL class. Is there another class? MARIO!

32. You know all the words to Bon Jovi – SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.

33. You just sang those words to yourself.

34. You still sing ‘We are the World’ 1996 Bill Clinton Inauguration…still can’t get it out of my head.

35. You tight rolled your jeans. H.O.T. HOT

36. You owned a bannana clip. Again, my mother saved me from another horrible hair blunder.

37. You’re still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren’t you! Actually, We are the World.

Life, ala Queen Bee.

If only you could say these things out loud.

Holy hell. Found this on www.someecards.com today…
It strikes just the right tone, and as always, at the most inappropriate time.

AHAHAHAHAA. Sorry for being inappropriate.

Time to figgify your puddin’

Well it’s here, the most wonderful time of the year. There were parties hosted, marshmallows roasted and caroling out in the snow did occur, I’ve heard. It really is the happiest time of the year.
In all honesty, I’m having a hard time focusing on Christmas…seeing as how I’m sitting at my desk at work and I had to leave my cozy warm car listening to Christmas songs on the radio (we have a station that plays 12 straight days of Christmas music). But, really, my heart is over flowing for the Holiday Season. It might be because it’s trying to keep my extremities warm, since it’s still near 0 degrees, but maybe it’s because of all the extra fanfare. The lights are my favorite. I love seeing houses all decorated and glowing in the night. They’re little inviting beacons that say, “Hey! You may not know your neighbors, but LOOK! They’re festive!” How can you feel grudges, well, unless your Steph and have to put up with a signing Christmas tree. I’m sure that sucks.

I wanted to share some of the highlights of my Christmas season, so far. We’ll see what tomorrow brings. I know one thing…I’ll miss waking up to the sound of bells, like I have for every morning since my parents decided to buy the Celtic CD. The first track is a bunch of cathedral bells flailing to the spirit of Christmas morning. There’s nothing that makes you feel quite at home…or out in the cold walking to church…like a bunch of bells. It always signaled that I could finally get up. I did have to wait for everyone else though, which was actually great because it gave me an excuse to jump on them while they dreampt of sugarplums and fairies.

Anyway, here’s the small pieces of joy I’ve had:

Knowing that I could turn on my Christmas music in my car because it’s been there since 2006. Christmas is the only time I use my CD player in my car, so it just sits there for 11 months waiting patiently for the season to come around again.

Buying my brother completely ridiculous gifts. And I really mean ridiculous. Like this. He saw it on TV during Thanksgiving and was joking that he totally wants that. Too bad he mentioned it, those are the BEST presents. Meanwhile, HubbyBee got him this. Awe.some.

Getting Christmas presents from my Girl Scouts. They are so cute! I totally don’t expect anything from these adorable elementary students, but they still love to shower me with joy. Apparently though, they would like me fat. Because all they bring me is chocolate, which I totally eat, and don’t share. Yep. Big Fat Troop Leader is what they’re going for.

Putting up the Christmas Tree at work. I’m not sure why this gives me pleasure, because it’s the most freakin’ hardest tree to put up in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD. Literally. But I love it’s leaning branches, and since no one else gives a shit wants to take my joy, that baby is all mine.

Realizing that my favorite holiday phrase is not, “Look Daddy! Teacher says: Everytime a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.” But, it is in fact, “Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.”

Those little things over the past month have really made my season. Sure there are lots of things that drive me up the wall this time of year, but really? It’s time to let it go. I really try to practice personal zen and realize that everyone deserves a little cheer. Plus, I love this season so much. And I love the cold that is strong enough to take your face off because that means it’s skiing time! I’m looking forward to the one day of year I go to church, tonight on Christmas Eve, and tomorrow when I get to give all my wacky-but delightfully fun-Christmas gifts to my unsuspecting victims family members.

Hope you and yours have a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Years. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Here’s to Eight Years of Growing Up with You

Here’s to the most tragic, most pathetic dumping session in high school history.
Here’s to the nights at the restaurant I worked at while I thought you where being my friend, but 7.75 years later I find out you were just trying to win me back.
Here’s to the Secret Kiss where it all began…again.
Here’s to graduating high school with you.
Here’s to the dorm room twin bed sharing.
Here’s to the first basement apartment.
Here’s to the sweet engagement on Peet’s Hill, after Sushi, where you made me hike in my high heels.
Here’s to our beautiful wedding on the mountain side on July 7.
Here’s to the 2,400 miles we drove on our honeymoon.
Here’s to graduating college with you.
Here’s to deciding we wouldn’t celebrate December 23rd because it somehow became insignificant after July 7.
Here’s to our first, and second, wedding anniversaries and the champagne.
Here’s to our house in Suburbia.
Here’s to going to sleep with you, waking up with you, laughing, crying, tickle fights, yelling fights, two cats, two cars and lots of holiday decorations that you put up with. Not to mention my Girl Scout troop, book club, business and more.

Here’s to knowing I’d always marry my high school sweetheart, and eight years later I still get butterflies when I see you after a long day of work.
Here’s to the Sunshine of my life.

Us at Crater Lake, OR

Did the dryer eat your socks?

My Great Find for Friday is this adorable company. Little Miss Matched is a company based on the idea that socks rarely match, and why should they? Just like your car, your clothes, your hobbies are a reflection of who you are, your socks should match your personality!

I received my first set of Little Miss Matched socks during a sock chain letter. You know, you buy one pair of funky socks, mail them to the first person on your list, forward the list to six people, and get back 70gazillion pairs! Well, it never really works like that, but I did get about 9 pairs of crazy socks. I call them happy socks. Because I love wearing socks that have crazy patterns, holiday patterns or are just out of the blue. Someone once gave me a pair of socks with hippos on them. HIPPOS. What the hell? How do you even FIND socks with hippos on them? But I still have them, and they’re awesome. My mother has been buying me crazy socks for forever. It’s really quite fun.

Anyway, in this chain letter I received my first set. Now, the first thing you must know about Little Miss Matched is that you don’t get a pair. You get three! Because, duh, miss matched socks don’t come in twos…the dryer always eats one! here’s an example:

See? This way you have three different combos of socks! It’s great. I’m giddy just thinking about it! And, it’s a safe way to show your crazy, fun and adorable personality without wearing that heinous Christmas sweater your Aunt Mira gave you ten years ago when shoulder pads where all the rage.

Luckily, for us that live in a freezing climate, it becomes increasingly important that you have socks on your tootsies. BUT, in case you are one of the individuals of my inner torture that lives in a warm climate where 90% of the time you don’t need socks and you just casually walk around taunting the rest of us with your perfectly manicured toes resting in your flip-flops, Little Miss Matched has expanded her line of mismatched items to other pieces of your wardrobe.

Get a load of this:

Holy crapolie. How adorable is THAT? And there’s one for you too!

Check it out. Little Miss Matched is doing us a favor…we’re sprouting our inner geekiness while silently parading wild and crazy socks. Go out and spread some holiday cheer! They’re great stocking stuffers…literally.

Why they shouldn’t sell crack to kids. Part II

Reason: Because if the kids aren’t using it because they’re reading, parents won’t be using it either…

Me: OK, this is getting ridiculous. I luv this vampire crack.

Mommypie: I KNOW! I can’t get over it.

Me: EC has got to be the most datable person in the fictional world. You’d want him. He’s totally your type, what with the TrueBlood watching & being a Ghostbuster and all…

Mommypie: Eh, I wouldn’t be into dating him.

Me: You know that if EC walked in there right now…

Mommypie: Yeah, I’d totally tap that.

Me: Yeah you would! (imagine Joey Tribbiani’s voice in my body)

Yes, vampires and Mommypie. But we’re not really surprised. The crack addiction continues, and it’s spreading like wildfire. [At this point in the post, I got so distracted by finding the lyrics to the Michael Martin Murphey song "Wildfire," that I lost all consciousness of what I was writing about.] “She ran calling WWWIIIILLLLDDDDFFFIIIRRREEEEE!” Then I started to wonder if that song would make a back drop to my reading episodes because it slightly feels like what you are feeling in the end of book 1, beginning of book 2. Nevermind. I’m going to go shoot up on some vampires.

Movin’ On Up

I always loved going to the Nutcracker in Denver, when I lived there. My BrotherBees were never old enough…or mature enough (you know what I’m talking about, penisbreath BigBrotherBee, so don’t get your knickers in a twist) to go, so it was my one night of single-child-hood. We’d get dressed up in the dress that I could only wear two nights out of the year, wear the shoes I could only wear with the dress two nights out of the year, and put on our fancy coats, out into the snow to the Ballet. Going to a professional ballet is jsut about the most girly fun you could have in one evening. Everyone in their best dress, excited, on their best behavior, sitting for hours watching the ballet. The seats were perfect, covered in velvet and the lights sparkled coming out of the brilliant chandeliers. It’s something I will most definitely commit to habit if we ever move to a big city again. The thrill is amazing. Don’t get me wrong, I also enjoy the men in tight pants. But I was 5 back then, give me a break. It’s different now!

In the little city I live in, we still have the Nutcracker and though the ambiance isn’t quite the same, the Nutcracker moves me just the same as when I was a child. My favorite part is the Dew Drop and Prince dance at the end. It’s beautiful. Being a ballerina is definitely still my answer to, “If you could do anything in the world, what would you do?” Err, after saving the world from AIDS and cancer, and taking everyone’s guns and turning them into flowers, and curing child hunger, OF COURSE! I would be a ballerina. I insist on going to some theatrical performance every Christmas. It gets me in the holiday mood, but successfully drains every ounce of my “but you never go to anything I want to do” card out in one night. This year, we went, and I was successful in picking awesome seats. We were in the back, because we’re cheap, but the seats were right behind the handicap spot, so there was lots of leg room, on the aisle. Perfect for my 1.5′ taller-than-me husband.  Then, out of no where, a guy that I know from work comes up. “Um, HubbyBee and QueenBee? I’m trying to film this, and the fire marshall says I can’t film where my seats are, soooo do you mind switching me? I have awesome seats.” HELL YEAH! This kind of thing NEVER happens to me!

As we were walking to our seats (as illustrated below), HubbyBee turns and whispers in my ear, “I think we just passed my boss.” His multimillionaire, made his fortune at the age of 25 boss. Sure enough, he was sitting there with family about 6 rows back. Heh.

What was that, millionaire boss?? We’ll have to catch you after the show.

Why they shouldn’t sell crack to kids.

Reason: Because they already do! See if you can guess.

me: DUDE…no one brought me crack today!

It’s going to be the longest day of my life!

Flemmily: lol. wow.

i didn’t realize you were on crack

it explains quite a bit.

me: yeah…vampire crack

Flemmily: OH!!!!

shoot dude.

me:

Flemmily: You need New Moon

I’m going to leave work early because I have to drive to [podunktown]. I can drop it by on my way back through

me: yes, yes I do

Flemmily: probably around 3:30, 4

1:30 PM me: you have to drive to [podunktown] today? or tomorrow?

Flemmily: tonight, so I don’t have to leave home at 4:00 a.m. tomorrow.

that sounded sucky to me

I’ll drive up tonight, stay in a hotel, present tomorrow, drive back asap when it’s over.

me: WOW…either way, that blows

1:31 PM DRIVE SAFE!

and definitely bring me crack. do you have it in your car?

Flemmily: no, but I have it on my couch

and I have to go pack anyways

1:32 PM so it wont’ be too difficult.

me: ok. if you’re sure.

1:33 PM I really can wait. I think Sara was planning on bringing it tomorrow.

but I might go into hyperventilation before then

1:35 PMFlemmily: : that’s fine! I’ll grab it for you

no worries

1:36 PM me: sweet. I need me some vampire crack.

My friends are my crack dealers…fictional vampire crack that is. Apparently I’m late to the scene with my addiction, but at least I get to join in on the fun. Until I’m the one that gets busted by the cops because I was still reading when they showed up to my imaginary mind party and everyone was done using, and I was tripping. But so be it, I have 3 more long trips to take down vampire lane  and henceforth EC is the crack that runs through my veins. Which is bizarre because I, for one, had no intention on reading these books. But then Mommypie did, and Flemmily, and CMBee, and another co-worker, and I caved. Which is good, because now I have a crack addiction. Excellent. The last time I was this anxious to get my hands on some of this verbal goodness was when HP ran through my veins. I haven’t had a paper high this good since Book 7. I really never thought I’d have it that good again. So, I’ll be diving into my latest trip as soon as Flemmily gets here with the crack. HubbyBee might not see me for the next couple of weeks. Which is fine, because he’s off with Zombie crack. Saving the world one digital zombie at a time. We all have our monster weaknesses.

At least this is a cause I can get behind for kids. Maybe we should take the powder from REAL dealers and just give them this stuff.

Not-So-Multimedia Douchebag Thankgiving

Mommypie challenged us all with this meme. To find the biggest douchebag and record it. I’m not to savvy with the video function on my phone, so I guess I’m just going to tell my short story. This one might make your skin crawl.

Friday, after Thanksgiving, is the annual Parade of Lights downtown. This is a little (and I’m talking 10-12 floats) parade where cars, kids, horses, etc. are all dressed up in lights and go through downtown. It all culminates at the end of the Walking Mall where they turn on the light on our Fire Guard station. Too much detail to describe here, but it’s my hometown’s version of a city Chistmas tree. Usually, it’s really freekin’ cold, so not too many people come, like this year.

However, there was a family of five standing quite close to us. They were a small child in a stroller, two children walking, holding onto the stroller, waiting for the parade. It was cold, and I just assumed, since I could see my breath, that I could also see theirs. HOWEVER…I watched as dad raised a cancer stick to his face. And took a long swig, which disgusted me. THEN, I watched as mom also started smoking on another cig.

I knew this would be the post for the meme. Seriously. Stop smoking in front of your children! Not only is it a bad habit to teach them, but you’re setting them up for addiction, and possibly worse, so HORRIBLE illnesses and giving them cancer-causing toxins.

To me, it’s NEVER ok to smoke in front of a child. NEVER. The End.

Congratulations to Smoking Like a Fish Family…you win my DoucheBag Award.