What will she come up with next? I mean seriously. Mommypie is a one cell shy of an entire think-tank of scientists. Clever, witty, AND earthfriendly? She only compares to Ellen…wait.
We all know that I have a HYUGE crush on Mommypie (and what can I say, she needs me). But lately, I’ve fallen in love with her “new baby.” Her words, not mine. It’s awesome, inventive, fun and just about as creative as it gets. I had be tampering with our local freecycle.org network that we have in town, but with no such luck. I just don’t have the time to sit and tinker with all of the responses.
Then SWAPMAMAS came along. Honestly, I am not the demographic that she’s going for. Being a twenty-something (I’m not telling! But you can figure it out), totally independent, sans children is not what a site dedicated to parents swapping out items their children are growing out of is going for. However, I support it whole-heartedly and I am here to do my best!
I am, however, about 9 months shy from being given the third best gift in the world. I’m not going to be a mom, I’m not going to be an auntie, but I get to be a god-mother! OF COURSE, I’ll have a little fairy dust in the mix! So, as I prep to become the coolest, youngest, most awesomest god-mother in the world, I will be using SwapMamas to collect things for my friend who had NO IDEA she would be turning 23 in the middle of her first pregnancy, and is scared shit-less. As every new mother is bound to be.
Give SwapMamas some love, some items and get swappin’! Everyone’s invited to an ass-kickin’ party, the host-The Economy.
A few weeks ago, I mentioned that I was starting my weight loss resolution. I am glad to say that so far, I have kept up with myself and done the work I need to get me this far. I’m not going to stay it hasn’t been tough, but it has been a little easier than I imagined. I think the most difficult was convincing myself that I really wanted to do this, and to stay on top of it. From there, avoiding sweets and salts, going to the gym, and trying to feel positive about myself was the easier part.
Today is day, oh hell, I don’t know, but I’ve made progress.
-I’ve lost 4.5 lbs in 2.5 weeks!
-I didn’t have to struggle into my jeans. They’re still a little tight fresh out of the dryer, but it’s getting easier!
-I have started eating Chex and blueberries every morning instead of bagels or nothing.
-I haven’t eaten out for lunch in a week (to be broken today, but I’ve already decided on a salad)
Tips that I’ve learned over the past 3 weeks: Eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. Don’t use salad dressing. Definitely calorie count, but if you don’t want to, at least look and be conscious of what you’re eating. If it feels like the gym is too easy, that’s because it probably is, step it up a notch!
Mommypie and Foolery are enjoying this little nugget with their readers, so I thought I’d join in. Seriously, everybody’s doin’ in. Add a little America to your pictures. You can even add your own catch phrase. Here are some of my choice creations:
Yes, in my world, even my cat needs a diplomatic presidential poster.
I’m thinking about printing this as a poster and hanging it on my door. I’m that classy.
And my personal fav:
Like every other American who makes a New Year Resolution, I’ve put weight loss at the very top of my list this year. In fact, it quite possibly will be the only resolution this year, and I plan to complete it by the second quarter. Oh, and to floss. But that’s always on my new years resolution list. Maybe it’s my only one because I’m so darn scared that I won’t succeed that I don’t need the pressure of other resolutions pulling me down. I’m haunted by the fact that my best friend always says, “It only takes 21 times before you form a habit.” Remember that. Tired of leaving your clothes on the floor? Forgetting to wash your face at night? Anything! Practice a good routine or banish a bad habit 21 times in a row, and you’ve formed a habit, or kicked a bad habit. It works, I’ve tried it for other things.
So, starting on Monday, I embarked on a new resolution. To lose 20lbs by my 25th birthday. Which is 3.5 months away. I know my friends think I’m crazy, that I don’t need to lose weight. But they flatter me. Plus, I counted today. I have 14 pairs of pants, 5 dresses, 3 skirts and 3 swim suits in my closet that I can’t wear. It’s probably not the healthiest way to get motivated, but, damn it, I’m finally determined. And New Year’s isn’t the only reason I’m doing this now. It really all revolves around the fact that, pathetically, I’m turning 25 in a quarter of a year, and I don’t want to. I know, get the laughing fit out of your systems, 25 is nothing. But to me it is, and I figure if I can get over turning 25 maybe 30, 40 even 50 won’t be so bad. You can call me a freak if you want to. I don’t mind. I’m still going to pull the covers over my head on my Thursday birthday for an extra 15 minutes because I’m a quarter of a century old. I can see it now-I’m really not going to age well. I don’t do well with the aging thing. Crap. At least I have the memory of a German waiter telling me I look 13.5, and that was only a year ago. Awesome.
I do understand that I’m going to turn 25, 26 and maybe even 27 if I’m lucky, so I better suck it up now and get on with losing the 20 lbs already. I will be my birthday gift to myself. Plus all of the clothes that are hanging in my closet, practically new because they haven’t been worn in, oh, 3 years at the least. However, I am hoping that by making this confessional, you all will hold me accountable for every single ounce that jiggles off my tush and into oblivion. Then I’ll take you out for drinks and we can sing some ridiculous campfire song because I will have made it through the torture. If you’re lucky, I might be losing 10 lbs by February, because another co-worker is finally going to give smoking the boot, which I’m going to hold her accountable for. Because of that, I will be back with pictures, and accounts of my progress.
There will be no before picture. I’m keeping that to myself and definitely not posting in on the internet.
We’ve all heard of the mind puzzle, “You come across a dead guy hanging from a noose, with a pool of water underneath it: What happened?” You’re supposed to figure out why there’s water, why the guy is dead, and how he did it. And maybe try to figure out why you’re standing in a room with a dead guy hanging from a noose…maybe that’s the bigger question.
I have one of my own that I’d like you all to try to come up with an explanation for. Winner will get major kudos and a big, sappy post about how I loved your explanation most, and how your blog is the most fabulous in the whole world, and shit.
Now, this is a true story:
A guy and his co-worker were carpooling to work down a busy back road, to avoid using the interstate, and they came across this scene:
There is a car lying on its roof on the side of the road. A few hundred feet down the road is a large deer, unfortunately dead, by the side of the road. A big bale of hay lays scattered all around the whole scene. What happened?
Comment below for your awesome take on this exciting puzzle. Later I’ll tell you what I came up with.
And then an e-mail like this comes along. Seriously?? How do people know me so well? I keep thinking that maybe these iconic stereotypes will just melt away. But they are forever immortalized in the spam e-mail effect. Read on to learn what MY childhood was like:
I know I grew up in the 80s/90s because:
1. You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word sike. No, I’ve never done that….sike.
2. You can sing the rap to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and do the Carlton. Yes, I can totally rap to theme song to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Not only that, but I know why the show is called “Fresh Prince.” Don’t know, do ya?
3. You know that ‘WOAH’ comes from Joey on Blossom. HOT!
4.If you ever watched Fraggle Rock. Jim Henson is a God.
5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. Yeah it was! I had a whole schedule of cartoons…Garfield was awesome.
6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head. Actually, I’m not sure my mom kept my hair long enough to wear like that…also why I didn’t have a Femullet.
7. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. ALWAYS caulk the wagon and float across
8. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side. Man, did this come back to haunt me. 6 straight years of handmade shirt ties from Grandma.
9. You played the game ‘MASH’(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House) Yes, Steve and I are getting married on May 12th, I’m wearing a purple dress and we’re going to live in Tahiti.
10. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it. Really, the HYUGE pockets on the ass were enough to keep me away.
11. You know the profo un d meaning of ‘ WAX ON , WAX OFF’ As well as “Whip It, Whip It good.”
12. You wanted to be a Goonie. I still want to be a goony. Movie was filmed where HubbyBee’s grandparents used to live.
13. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us…head-to-toe) We were special.
14. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted. Who can forget THRILLER? Who would want to?
15. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf. Apparently I wasn’t worried about women’s lib, because that never really bothered me. It was just SWEET! I want to be a Smurf!
16. You took lunch boxes to school…and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard. Yes, I did take a lunch box to school, with my thermos of milk.I won “Brings Healthiest Lunches” once. I was more of a POG geek, myself.
17. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets. Now, why would these go out of style? They came in so many colors!
18. You still get the urge to say ‘NOT’ after every sentence. NOT.
19. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets. Maybe I lingered too much on that fact…
21. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. Mine were high heels, and I pretended they were appropriate to wear to dances and stuff.
22. After you saw Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure you kept saying ‘I know you are, but what am I?’ Every Saturday morning I watched PeeWee’s Play house and called a family friend to discuss. As if there were a lot of things to discuss…”Did you see how blue Chairy looked today?” “Well yes, but he is a blue chair, you know”
23. You remember ‘I’ve fallen and I can’t get up’ Heh.
24. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates. Aw, holding hands and going around the ring underneath the disco ball.
25. You have ever played with a Skip-It. I had a very rare Jump-It jumprope that I totally dominated.
26. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that. Yeah…not really my type.
27. You remember watching both Gremlins movies. I wasn’t allowed, but I remember the stories and the movie phrases.
28. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot. So does Mommypie. WORD to my Doogs.
29. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac. I’m pretty sure I had an Alf doll. And my brother had an Alf shirt.
30. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool…and don’t even flinch when people refer to them as ‘NKOTB’ WTF is NKOTB? Just say it out loud. You’ll feel better about yourself.
31. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on ‘Saved By The Bell,’ The ORIGINAL class. Is there another class? MARIO!
32. You know all the words to Bon Jovi – SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
33. You just sang those words to yourself.
34. You still sing ‘We are the World’ 1996 Bill Clinton Inauguration…still can’t get it out of my head.
35. You tight rolled your jeans. H.O.T. HOT
36. You owned a bannana clip. Again, my mother saved me from another horrible hair blunder.
37. You’re still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren’t you! Actually, We are the World.
Life, ala Queen Bee.